Life is not all about colored roses…..

Surgery is not going to fix all your problems and if you think that’s the case STOP NOW…….

I knew that from the beginning but that doesn’t mean I didn’t have hopes that all my problems would magically disappear. Especially when I felt that it stemmed from my looks of how overweight I was.

You know what (excuse the language) BRAIN FUCKED means??? Well that’s what I am now. Brain fucked..

Brain fucked- .. that general feeling of stupidity. the point at which your brain is processing so much information that you feel so tired so much so as if your brain is being fucked/raped by information. the point of which something is too hard to comprehend, To over-think or over-analyze something (which is usually quite simple).

All these are definitions from Urban dictionary… I feel all of the above.

I’ve lost 73 pds and I’m still not happy… I am getting much more attention now and yet I can’t find a meaningful relationship.

I’ve started drinking… I’m drinking during the week not just the weekend. Not everyday but at least 3 days out of the week I’m drinking a whole bottle of wine. Something I feared would happen to me after surgery.

I’ve slept with my ex again (yes the one in the previous post about breaking my heart but he is also the one who paid to fix my car) not once but twice and in my mind came to an agreement that we’d be FWB (at my discretion).

Met a guy at a club and made out with him without even knowing him!

Yes this sounds very hoeish and I don’t care if you think I am. I’ve never been this way …. that said… I’m putting my personal life out there for those of you who do read this to know that not all is awesome!

Yes, things are well in the WLS department… I’m thankful I’ve had no complications and I can pretty much eat lots of things.

But this post is not about that, it’s about being brain fucked. All has fallen on me, school,work, family problems,money issues,car problems, men problems and image issues.

Yes the image issues… I look in the mirror and see the SAME FAT GIRL… same 242 pd fat girl. It’s all in the mind, so if you are thinking about getting the surgery think twice about running to get right away. Take your time and see a therapist, talk to them and work through your problems because if you don’t, they are just going to get worse!

Do I regret the surgery? No! but I do know that I need to get out of this funk I’m in (and I’m working on it) and get back on track…. remember after surgery your hormones are going C-R-A-Z-Y (I HAVE PCOS) so one second I’m fine and the next I’m not.

Please know that if you’ve had the surgery and are going through this, you ARE NOT ALONE…. and if you haven’t had the surgery don’t be in such a hurry to get it and then think that you’ll worry about your addictions or problems later… no no no no.. don’t do it, do it NOW!

AGAIN, life is not all about colored roses, better said in spanish la vida no es color de rosas…..

Till next time kiddies!

:-*

New video update 17 wks out

Sorry it’s in 3 parts but I had technical difficulties.

 

 

Life is tricky…

SO here I thought things were looking on the up and up. I met a guy who I was starting to like and it felt more than just a passing by relationship. I only wanted a friendship and he opened my heart to more than that.

Fast forward to this past Friday. My car breaks down and I have to have it towed, the guy I was seeing says he will buy the parts for me and fix it for me on Saturday morning. Come Saturday he disappears and I don’t hear from  him… Sunday I don’t hear from him (except that he was fishing on saturday and that he would call me later) Well he didn’t…. Seriously… wth?????????????!!

Then my sister comes by my house (my 18 yr old sister) who works a part time job, no college, car and lives at home, tells me she’s pregnant (by accident) by her loser of a boyfriend who is 19 works part time at taco bell and smokes weed all day. She asks me to help her, now I need to help her break the news to my mom and most probably have her move in with me because when my mom hears of this she’s going to kick her out.

I don’t have the time or the funds to take this on but I will not leave her alone. I’m broke, I have a broken car and a broken heart. I’m just broke……… I really don’t know where I’m going from here.

I had a conversation with God yesterday.,.. I cried.. and I said.. God I’ve always believed in you and trusted in you that your promises will come true but I’m starting to believe they aren’t. I’m starting to lose all faith that there in fact is a better future in store for me with that man that God has planned for me.

I hate when people tell me to be patient…. I’ve been patient. I might only be 30 but I’ve been through hell and back. Married for 10 yrs and cheated on throughout the 10 years of marriage. Not to mention not being able to get pregnant at all. In addition to that how easy it was for him to move on with his life, have 2 kids and get married to the woman he cheated and left me for. Yet me as a good person here I am struggling to find a good man. Don’t get me wrong and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don’t tell me “stop looking for men let them come to you, love yourself blah blah blah.” You don’t know my struggle, you don’t know what I do so don’t assume I’m looking. I’m not looking… I’ve made friends then this guy comes along (the one earlier in this story) and makes me tear down my damn wall and then he hurts me!!!!!

Yes Life is tricky… one moment you are on top of the world and the next moment you are the bottom of a pit trying to pull yourself out.. seriously… I can’t handle it all. I’m not that strong..

Ugh…

Now to my weight loss…. I’ve lost a total of 71 pds (HW 242, CW 171) ……

Complications? None

I’ve had some pain and gas from some certain foods I eat.. Like bread and Mango… they are on my NO NO list.

Loose skin? Arms.. ugh.. my stomach is coming along ok..

Exercising? Yes I’m doing a min of 6-12 miles 4 days a week and the other 3 a minimum of 3 miles.

Here are some photos.

Hasta Luego! video update coming soon…